If you would like to support a family member, friend, colleague or patient that is living with health issues, this page provides tips and advice based on the experiences of our community members.<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_5″ _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” background_enable_image=”off” background_size=”contain” background_position=”bottom_center” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” height_tablet=”” height_phone=”380px” height_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”8px||10px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” header_2_text_color=”#19583B” global_colors_info=”{}”]
Many of our community members describe feeling isolated as a result not only of their health conditions, but also the difficulties explaining them to other people. This makes them less likely to seek help and support in the future. Some say that the struggle to get others to understand their health issues makes things harder for them in life, such as causing their symptoms to worsen, impacting their physical health.<\/p>\n
Our members tell us that having a good conversation with someone about their health issues makes them feel:<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/ftww.org.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/word-cloud-e1736850305671.png” title_text=”word-cloud” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” width=”80%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”100%” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”80%” max_width_tablet=”80%” max_width_phone=”80%” max_width_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”8px||10px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” header_2_text_color=”#19583B” global_colors_info=”{}”]
We asked our members to share their ideas, suggestions, and top tips to help others be better allies when it comes to supporting people with their health and wellbeing.<\/p>\n
In order, the things our members tell us would have made their experience of telling someone about their health issues better are:<\/p>\n
Read an in-depth report of what our community have told us about their experiences of seeking help and support<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>here<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Cards” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#f1f2eb” custom_padding=”||4px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” header_2_text_color=”#19583B” global_colors_info=”{}”] With our community members, we’ve developed tips to help you support others to discuss and cope with their health issues. We’ve included quotes from our members to help you understand their point of view. The following can apply to friends, family members, and professionals.\u00a0<\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_accordion icon_color=”#D83845″ _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” toggle_font=”DM Sans||||||||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_accordion_item title=”1. Be a good listener” open=”on” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”] Show that you want to listen and understand what the person is telling you, by demonstrating that you are paying attention. You can do this by waiting for natural pauses in the conversation to repeat key points and ask if you have accurately understood them. Try to listen without interrupting, judgement, or preconceptions.<\/p>\n “Being dismissed by health workers, family, your employer and friends causes huge mental health issues, and it takes great strength to stay positive and battle through despite being incredibly sick all the time.”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”2. Do your research” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] Take time to better understand the health issues and experiences the person is describing by reading any links or resources they may have sent you, or by seeking our verified sources of information such as specialist charities or the NHS.<\/p>\n Another source of valuable learning, especially about people\u2019s lived experiences and services available locally, can be support groups and social media, so do take the time to look into those. If you think the person might want your help in raising a concern or making a complaint about a healthcare encounter, you could also familiarise yourself with organisations like Llais, so that you are able to signpost them appropriately.<\/p>\n “It was a battle explaining my needs to my employer, who was very distrusting of a condition they had never heard of\u2026They didn’t grasp the gravity of how it affects my physical ability and health.”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”3. Ask questions” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] You might want to ask questions so that you fully understand what the person is telling you. Asking questions can show that you are interested and want to know more, which many of those living with chronic and non-visible health issues appreciate. Asking questions is fine but be gentle \u2013 it shouldn\u2019t be an interrogation.<\/p>\n Ask the person about the things with which they are struggling and if there are particular ways in which you can help. If the person is resistant to answering questions, take your lead from them and don\u2019t push for answers. You can always try again another time, ask them differently, or show your support in other ways.<\/p>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”4. Show empathy” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] Many of those living with chronic and non-visible health issues don\u2019t want sympathy or pity, they just need you to show that you\u2019re trying to understand and appreciate the magnitude of how those issues affect them as individuals.<\/p>\n You can find out more about empathy and how to develop these skills on the Endometriosis Cymru website. Whilst the website is focused on endometriosis, the information and \u2018Me and You Empathy Quiz\u2019 can be used by people living with any health condition and those around them: https:\/\/endometriosis.cymru\/living-with\/family-and-friends\/building-empathy\/<\/a><\/p>\n “Where I have had good conversations, it\u2019s where the other person wanted to understand and know more. I don\u2019t want sympathy or pity. When I say \u2018I\u2019m in pain\u2019, I want for them to have half a clue as to what I\u2019m on about.”<\/i><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”5. Recognise that every person is different” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] You might know several people with the same or similar health conditions \u2013 but this doesn\u2019t mean that they\u2019re all affected in the same way or to the same degree. Symptoms can vary from one person to another, so it\u2019s important to listen and learn how to help that person with their specific issues. It\u2019s important not to make assumptions as they won\u2019t always be correct.<\/p>\n It’s also important not to be dismissive of a person\u2019s experiences. Our members say that one of the most difficult things they have to deal with is being told about someone else who is coping fine with their diagnosis, when they might not be living with the same issues or circumstances. It\u2019s vital to appreciate the individual\u2019s expertise and knowledge about their own body and life, including their limits and support needs.<\/p>\n It is important to try to be open-minded and learn from what the person in front of you is saying. \u2018Gaslighting\u2019 is a term often used by those living with chronic and non-visible health conditions, which is where their experiences are undermined or disbelieved. It is vital to avoid doing this, as it can have a serious impact on the individual\u2019s wellbeing.<\/p>\n “My GP being dismissive of me trying to describe my painful periods led to me not asking for help with that pain again for several years. I was made to feel like I was making a fuss about something that was normal. I now know that was not the case. I get anxious at the doctors, and it shows as tears. Some doctors and nurses then focus on the anxiety as an issue rather than the reason I\u2019m actually there.”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n “The fear of striking the right balance between telling people how things actually are realistically versus not sounding dramatic or pitiful. It’s especially difficult when trying to describe chronic migraines or chronic fatigue syndrome as people naturally want to relate and show they sympathise by telling you they understand as they too get bad headaches or are tired after work. It can be frustrating and then you feel guilty for feeling frustrated with them.”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”6. Understand that symptoms of chronic illnesses can fluctuate from day to day” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] Many of those living with long-term health conditions describe fatigue as being one of their most debilitating symptoms but that levels of fatigue can vary daily, depending on how much mental or physical activity they\u2019ve undertaken. It\u2019s important to understand that the rest periods people need to help manage fatigue isn\u2019t being \u2018lazy\u2019 but a tool to help people manage their symptoms and reduce their impact.<\/p>\n Another common symptom of chronic illness that can change from day to day is pain, which can fluctuate depending on lots of factors, such as activity levels, hormones. or medications. Because pain is often not visible to others and can be hard to describe, many say that they feel like it\u2019s something they have to \u2018hide\u2019. Our members ask people to understand that if they say they\u2019re hurting it\u2019s very important to be believed and, if appropriate, remind them of their pain management techniques.<\/p>\n Finally, people with non-visible health conditions ask others to remember that whilst they might look \u2018well\u2019 on the outside, that doesn\u2019t mean that they are, and that chronic health issues can impact all aspects of their lives, including relationships, finances, and psychological wellbeing too. It\u2019s important that these wider implications are understood and not under-estimated.<\/p>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”7. Check in!” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] Maintaining contact with a person living with chronic illness is greatly appreciated. Lots of our members describe feeling increasingly isolated, often because they\u2019re not able to join in as much with social activities due to fatigue, pain, or spaces not being accessible.<\/p>\n Keeping in contact, even if just the occasional phone-call or message via social media can let people know that you care and are genuinely interested in their health and wellbeing. Offering to meet for a coffee and a chat is also welcomed, even if the person isn\u2019t able to get out and about. It\u2019s important not to get annoyed if they\u2019re having a bad day, especially if they have to cancel plans \u2013 remember, it\u2019s probably more upsetting for them than you, so don\u2019t let it put you off keeping in touch!<\/p>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”8. Ask before offering advice” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] People may have lived with their chronic health condition for a long time, so they\u2019ve done their research and tried out lots of different techniques to help them manage it. It\u2019s important that you understand this and don\u2019t make offering advice the main topic of your conversation unless you\u2019ve asked the person first and that\u2019s what they want to hear. It may be that they actually just want the opportunity to vent or have a laugh, so do take your lead from them, including being alert to cries for help.<\/p>\n Sometimes, rather than offering advice about what the person can do for themselves, it may be that providing practical support is the best option. It might be that they want your help with doing some shopping or attending an appointment: if doable, these things can demonstrate just how much you care and can be more meaningful than unsolicited advice. If you\u2019re tempted to offer this, don\u2019t take it personally if the person rejects it, as they\u2019ve likely heard it many times before!<\/p>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”9. Be patient” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] Many of our members tell us that they\u2019ve sadly lost friendships and relationships over the years because people don\u2019t always have the patience to cope with the person\u2019s chronic or fluctuating health issues. They describe friends and family members getting frustrated when there isn\u2019t an effective treatment or cure, and not understanding why the person isn\u2019t able to do the activities they did before the onset of their condition.<\/p>\n It’s also important to be aware that there can be long waiting lists for NHS services and that, sometimes, patients can experience long diagnostic delays before their symptoms are attributed to a cause. This means that treatment and care aren\u2019t always immediately accessible. For some conditions, there isn\u2019t a cure, and patients have to find ways to manage their own health. With all of this in mind, it isn\u2019t necessarily helpful to keep asking the person affected if they\u2019re \u2018better yet\u2019. Instead, you may have to accept that the person will need support and your patience for a long time.<\/p>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”10. Be aware of your biases” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] FTWW is a disabled people\u2019s organisation focused on female health equality. As you can imagine therefore, many of our members will have lived experience of ableism and gender prejudice. You can read more about this on both our \u2018About Us\u2019 and \u2018Disability\u2019 pages.<\/p>\n It\u2019s helpful to be aware of the social model of disability so that you can be a better ally to those living with chronic health conditions and not add to the barriers and negative attitudes many have encountered. It\u2019s important to not make disabled people feel like a burden.<\/p>\n In terms of gender prejudices, it\u2019s very easy to buy into historical misconceptions about women being \u2018hysterical\u2019 or weak. But actually, these are inaccurate stereotypes which aren\u2019t helpful and can actually result in health conditions going undiagnosed and worsening prognosis. It\u2019s important to be aware that many health conditions affect women differently to men and that, often, diagnostic tools and treatments haven\u2019t considered women\u2019s bodies or needs so this can mean medicines and services might not work as well for them. Be respectful, listen, and be willing to work with the person in front of you to establish the best ways forward.<\/p>[\/et_pb_accordion_item][et_pb_accordion_item title=”11. Be supportive” _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” open=”off”] There are lots of ways to be supportive of a person in your life who is living with a chronic health condition, ranging from being a listening ear, reading about their health issues, and just being a kind, patient presence in that person\u2019s life. If you have the means, you can also show support in practical ways, such as offering to attend appointments with the person, helping them explain the impact symptoms are having on them, or making notes for them if this is something they need you to do.<\/p>\n I find a lot of the public are unaware but as soon as I tell friends they do try to find out more. I have relatives who also had (my condition) so they know what I’m going through, and they give me tips that helped them.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n If you\u2019re the person\u2019s educator or employer, you can show support by working with them to identify reasonable adjustments that would help them in the classroom or workplace. You can find more information about what this might entail on our disability pages.<\/p>\n If the person is living with a menstrual or gynaecological health condition, the Endometriosis Cymru website<\/a> also provides useful insights about the types of practical support that might be helpful in educational or employment settings.<\/p>\nTop tips to help you support others<\/h2>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.24.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”]
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n