Laura’s story

My periods began at age 14, and on the surface everything was normal – I had a typical, 28-day menstrual cycle and my periods were normal. However, almost as soon as my periods started, I noticed overwhelming feelings of low mood and grief, often over seemingly small events. It is only now with hindsight that I realise that these emotions, along with pronounced depressive symptoms, would appear and subside at specific points of my menstrual cycle.

I knew something was wrong with my mental health, but I blamed myself. I often felt intense self-blame and guilt, thinking it was my fault that I couldn’t prevent these depressive episodes. I believed I wasn’t doing enough to look after myself – this negative self-talk is common for those with PMDD. I convinced myself that I was being dramatic – others didn’t feel like this, so why did I? I had no reason to feel so sad, and this made me feel ungrateful, which only worsened my guilt and self-perception.

At 15, I visited my GP for the first time. I was handed a leaflet with a list of healthy foods and told that eating better would fix my problems. This only reinforced my belief that my symptoms were my fault. Throughout the next 14 years, when my symptoms flared up, I told myself it was because I hadn’t eaten well, exercised enough, or practiced good self-care.

When my mood lifted again, I thought it was because I’d been “good” at taking care of myself, but in reality, I was punishing myself and my body with extreme unhealthy behaviours during my luteal phase.

It wasn’t until I was 28 that I finally learned about PMDD—and it happened by chance. I saw a social media post from a friend of a friend listing symptoms of PMDD, including their cyclical nature, and I related to every single one. The advice I received was to start tracking my symptoms. I had already been doing this, as I was tracking my symptoms inline with my behaviours and actions, so that I could “monitor my progress”.
But it was at this point that the connection was finally made between my symptoms and my menstrual cycle, and when I looked back through my journal I could clearly see the cyclical nature of my mood changes. From there I started specifically tracking my menstrual cycle too and reached out to FTWW and also the international Association for Premenstrual Disorders for support.

Finally I had the confidence to go back to my GP and self-advocate. I took along my symptom tracker and the IAPMD information pages and it was then that I was formally diagnosed with PMDD.

I was prescribed daily SSRIs as a treatment, however, taken in this way, the medication was ineffective. Through further research, I discovered the potential benefits of luteal dosing and discussed it with my GP, who supported my decision to try this approach. Thankfully, it has worked for me and continues to provide a much-improved quality of life.

Being diagnosed with PMDD has meant that I’ve had to learn – and un-learn – a lot about myself, the menstrual cycle and about mental health. I hope that together we can normalise conversations about periods and mental health so that others will be able to recognise what is “normal” and what isn’t, they can seek support, and they won’t have to suffer alone like so many of us have.